I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
