You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
no you cant smoke seaweed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.