Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
