Acid is not a monday night drug
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE