and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
