fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
