Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
