With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
