hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize