I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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