She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
