I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
