he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
