Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
