In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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