he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
