I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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