we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
