they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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