Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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