I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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