The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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