Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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