oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
