i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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