as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
