you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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