guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
