I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
