Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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