I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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