whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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