Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
