I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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