You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize