I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
