I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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