I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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