I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
