just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
