As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
