Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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