two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she pinky promised me she was 18
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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