Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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