Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
