I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
