she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
