Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
