I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
