I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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