If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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