i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
