I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
