Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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