Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
