I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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