We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
