4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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