I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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