'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
