he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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