Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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