I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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