did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
