I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I could make wine with my vomit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
