There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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